Children are a blessing and a joy, but they will break your heart and scare you to death more times that you can count. Being a mother has been – and continues to be – the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
Here’s a little of my backstory. I have two young adult daughters and have basically been a single mom. Even before my children’s dad and I separated, he wasn’t really present. And since he has had little involvement in their parenting. I remarried about three years after we divorced and became a stepmother, gaining two additional children through a blended family. I will add that blending families isn’t easy. My husband and I somewhat kept our parenting separate as it seemed to be the best way to survive a blended family with four girls.
I am now undergoing a difficult stage in my parenting. My kids are in their 20s and semi-adulting. I thought I would be on cruise control at this point, but that hasn’t been the case. One of my daughters is back at home and has been dealing with some physical and emotional issues for about 5 years. This has been just as difficult for me as her mom. And I don’t think I’ve handled it very well. Our relationship feels pretty strained at this point.
While on a walk today, I was reflecting on my parenting. This may not have been the most positive activity as I am trying to be more mindful of focusing on the present, but I did it anyway. I love my children more than anything and have tried to do the best I can for them but, admittedly, I have struggled at times and have made many mistakes. I am proud of the young women that they are becoming and want to encourage rather than hinder their growth. And I am very thankful that both have a deep faith in God.
What haven’t I done well? I have tried to control. I tried to shield them from difficulties when they were younger, which probably resulted in a lack of resilience now. I have sometimes tried to impose my preferred path on them, rather than letting them choose their own. I have probably been critical at times. I have said and done things that I wish I hadn’t. None of this was my intent but, nevertheless, it has happened. However, I can say that it has all come from a place of love and concern.
As I continue along this parenting journey, I am trying very hard to let go and let God. Some days I do okay and others, not so much. I need to realize that my time for parenting in the flesh is over and it’s time to parent in the Spirit by praying for my children and trusting God to do what I cannot do.
Here are a few things that I’m going to continue to work on:
Recognizing and respecting differences – We are all different. And my two daughters are as different as night and day. If you add in the two stepdaughters, we need to add two more times of day. Of course, I have had certain expectations and wishes as to what they should do and be. However, God has created them with gifts and talents and a purpose which may not align with what I had in mind but will be much better.
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him and have been called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28
Set and stick to boundaries – I have been guilty of enabling and realize that I need to set and stick to some specific rules and boundaries. This has always been hard to me as I often tend to give in, but I need to be strong and not waiver. Let me add that this is important at all stages of parenting.
Yield everything to God – I know that I need to fully surrender my children to God. He knows what they need in order to realize things that need to change in their lives. I need to pause, and release them to him (over and over again).
Pray! – There are a few verses that I will continue to pray over and over for them.
“I keep asking the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, and his incomparably great power for us who believe.” Ephesians 1:17-19
“And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19
Mothers, I wanted to share so that those that aren’t having a picture-perfect Mother’s Day, or are in a difficult parenting period, would realize that they aren’t alone. My hope is that this doesn’t apply and you are having a wonderful Mother’s Day! If it does, please know that you are doing the best you can – even if you are struggling at the moment. Ask God to help and guide you as I am going to continue to do!
