Many of us struggle with what we call self-confidence. The truth is that I have struggled with it for much of my life, often feeling that I wasn’t pretty enough, successful enough, or smart enough. My daughter has grappled with her self-confidence and told me the other day that she just doesn’t believe in herself. This is very common amongst young women, and really women in general. Despite God’s assurance that he’s absolutely crazy about us, most of us can’t believe he means “us”. Society has created a false, unrealistic measuring stick of how women are supposed to be, look, and act. We feel inferior if we don’t meet the world’s standard of things like beauty and intelligence, or meet milestones like marriage, career, and children at a certain time. We are our own worst critics, often comparing ourselves to others and feeling that we don’t measure up.
So, what is this thing called self-confidence? It is defined as a feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgment. Confidence has a valid place of importance in our lives. However, should our confidence be in ourselves? I’m afraid that, if it is, we will often be disappointed.
King Solomon declared: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not upon your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths.” (Proverbs 3:5-6) All too often we ignore this sacred counsel, and rely on ourselves independent of direction from God. The Bible warns us not to trust in ourselves, and tells us that no spiritual good comes from our flesh. (John 15:5, Philippians 3:3) As believers, we are called to have confidence in the power of God, not in our own strength. (1 Corinthians 2:4-5)
So maybe we should abandon the term, self-confidence, and call it Christ-confidence, rooting our confidence in who we are in the Lord. Joyce Meyer says, “confidence is holding on to a strong faith in God, a faith that is backed up with a complete knowledge and understanding that with God’s help you can do anything.”
Sometimes, we may also seek to derive our confidence from other people. Proverbs 25:19 tells us that “confidence in an unfaithful man in a time of trouble is like a broken tooth and a foot out of joint.” When we get our affirmation and confidence from others, we place too great a burden on people who, just like us, are flawed. Further, the standards and preferences of others are moving targets that ebb and flow over time. Scripture tells us that seeking the favor of others thwarts our very purpose and role in God’s kingdom. (Galatians 1:10) Instead of seeking the approval of people, we must source our confidence through the approval of Christ. The good news is that this has already been won!
Why do many of us lack confidence? It stems from a lack of faith and an overabundance of fear. But we will never reach our potential if we live tormented by fear.
If you suffer from a lack of confidence, reflect on the following:
God Loves You
Feeling unloved is often at the root of self-confidence issues. Jesus gave his life for us so we have to trust that he has an extreme amount of love for us, more than we can ever imagine. God’s Word is full of information about your identity and position as a believer in Jesus Christ. You are:
- Fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14)
- Precious to God (Isaiah 43:4)
- Cared about since your conception (Isaiah 46:3)
- God’s child (John 1:12)
- Jesus’ friend (John 15:15)
- Chosen by Jesus (John 15:16)
- Loved dearly by God (John 16:27)
- Free from condemnation (Romans 8:1)
- Created in His image
- A temple—a dwelling place—of God’s Spirit (1 Corinthians 3:16)
- Redeemed and forgiven of all your sins (Colossians 1:14)
That should certainly help to instill some confidence!
You are a new creation
Through your salvation, you are a new creation in Christ. All of your frustrated and failed efforts to make something of yourself have been cast away and your very identity has been replaced. You are a child of God! 2 Corinthians 5:17 says, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” As a new creation, when God looks at you, He sees His Son with whom He is very pleased.
You have a purpose.
God set each of us apart and gave us a glorious and eternal purpose that is far bigger than anything this world might offer. God uses our distinct personalities to do His work and reach others who share similar qualities. You should accept your unique qualities and quit comparing yourself to others. He knew what He was doing when He made you!
You are more than your outer appearance
One of the biggest self-confidence issues stems from a lack of confidence in our appearance. We all have things about our appearance that we don’t like and would possibly change if we could. Even if you are happy with the way you look at a point a time, it will fade as we get older. Trust me on that! You should remind yourself daily that you are so much more than your outer appearance The way you look is only your outside covering. It is not the essence of who you are and certainly doesn’t define you.
Want to build your Christ-Confidence? Here are some things that you can do!
Practice Self-Compassion
Self-compassion involves treating yourself with kindness when you make a mistake, fail, or experience a setback. Speaking to yourself harshly, won’t motivate you to do better. Instead of telling yourself, “I’m so stupid. I mess everything up”, remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes sometimes and it’s okay. Cut yourself some slack and be willing to laugh at yourself. You’re not perfect and neither is anyone else.
Accept and forgive yourself
Accepting and forgiving yourself is an essential step toward confidence. God has forgiven you for past mistakes, but sometimes forgiving yourself is hard. How do you release the guilt of yesterday? Remember that the Righteous Judge of all humankind has forgiven the sins and mistakes of your past. If God chooses to forgive you, then you can forgive yourself.
Name the lies—and give them to God
Make a list of the lies that you have believed about yourself or that others have said about you. Then, remind yourself that this is not how God sees you. Tell him, “God, you made me in your image. These lies have got to go. I want to see myself the way you see me. Please begin the process of changing my mind.”
Focus on your strengths
Are you a good cook? Do you love to garden? Are you a good writer? Are you a good speaker? Do you love children? We’re all good at something! . Compile a list of your strengths and read it aloud to yourself a few times a day to help bolster your confidence. When you use the gifts God has given you, you will gain more confidence. As your confidence grows, you’ll be more willing to branch out and try new things – and maybe discover new talents and abilities.
Take small steps in courage
Don’t let fear get the best of you and hold you back! In 100 Days to Brave, Annie F. Downs says, “I never felt brave. But day after day, I just did the next thing, took the next step, said the next yes. Now I find myself lifting my foot for the next step with a little less fear and a little more confidence–because I know when my foot lands on the ground, God is already there. He’s my sure foundation. The solid rock upon which I stand.”
Step out in courage and you will begin building your confidence. God is your foundation and He has your back!
Focus on others
And finally, to embrace a God-honoring self-confidence, you should stop thinking so much about yourself and begin to think about others. You must become less aware of “you” and more aware of “them”. Make it your goal to serve and encourage others and increased confidence will follow.
Try to live in the vibrant awareness that God loves you and has created you to be very significant, indeed! Remember Philippians 4:13, “I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”
Keep these verses close over the coming weeks:
“But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him.” Jeremiah 17:7
“Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then I will be confident.” Psalm 23:7
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
