The Proverbs 31 woman is the Wonder Woman of the Bible. She annoyingly conquers life with little or no difficulty. She is a woman of virtue and character.
As I began writing to compare and contrast “hot mess” (me) with this virtuous woman, I thought – this is going to be a blood bath. First of all, I’m not that “womany.” I pretty much suck at many of the traditional things in which woman often excel – cooking, cleaning, gardening, sewing, crafts. And my husband keeps asking me when I’m going to write about being a submissive wife. God has some more work to do on me for sure before I can get there. I tend to want to run things in our relationship.
So let’s read about the Proverbs 31 woman:
10 A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
Admittedly, she sets a seemingly impossible standard for us to meet. Do you know any women that exhibit all of these characteristics? Or anyone that’s even close? Thank goodness this isn’t designed to be a “checklist for women” as I think most of us would not get a good report.
Some of the verses are a little dated where it talks about distaffs, spindles and such. Here’s how I picture the modern-day Proverbs 31 women.
She is very well put together, well dressed, and physically fit with killer arms. She has a high-powered successful career while also managing to be a great mom. She is very faithful. She is highly involved in her church and volunteers at the homeless shelter regularly. Her children are always well pressed and well behaved. She cooks tasty, healthy meals for her family and her home is always immaculate. She is a good steward of her family’s money and always gets the best values on really nice things. And she is always even-keeled and never loses her cool.
I don’t like her much…
Let’s break it down and look at some of the traits of the Proverbs 31 woman:
She is faithful
“…but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” Proverbs 31:30
First and foremost, she is faithful and always puts God first in her life. She loves and serves Him with her heart, mind and soul. She seeks his will and follows his ways.
She is a good wife
“Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.” Proverbs 31:12
She respects her husband. He can trust her to make wise choices and behave with wisdom. She is an asset to him and does good things for him every day.
She is a hard worker
“…and works with eager hands.” Proverbs 31:13
“She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her task.” Proverbs 31:17
She is eager to work and has a diligent work ethic. She never slacks off and is always productive.
She is a good mother
“her children arise and call her blessed.” Proverbs 31:33
She teaches her children the ways of God, nurtures them with love, and trains them up in the way they should go.
She is a wise steward
“She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.” Proverbs 31:16
She spends money wisely and is careful to purchase quality items that her family needs.
She is generous
“She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.” Proverbs 31:20
She is aware of the needs of others around her and reaches out to help them.
She is strong and dignified
“She is strong and dignified
She laughs at the time to come.” Proverbs 31:25
She is courageous and has control over her emotions. She is dignified which means she carries herself well and has earned the respect of others.
She embraces beauty
“She makes coverings for her bed;
She is clothed in fine linen and purple.” Proverbs 31:22
She takes good care of herself. Her beauty isn’t just on the outside, she also has an inner beauty that comes from Christ. She uses her creativity and style to create beauty in her life and in the lives of others.
She is an industrious business woman
“She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp doesn’t go out at night.” Proverbs 31:18
“She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.” Proverbs 31:24
She adds to her family’s wealth by using her talents.
She watches her words
“She speaks with wisdom,
And faithful instruction is on her tongue.” Proverbs 31:26
She knows when it is a good idea to speak and when to hold her tongue.
I won’t share all of the ways that I differ from the Proverbs 31 woman. Suffice it to say this would be a lengthy chapter if I did. Here are a few things that don’t match up.
- I’m not very good about working with “eager hands” around the house. This brings to mind a woman preparing dinner with a smile and singing while she cleans the house. Nope – not me. A Proverbs 31 woman also doesn’t grumble while completing her tasks. I remember stomping around the house loudly when I would cook or clean – mad because others weren’t helping. Of course, no one really noticed or cared.
- I’m also not the best at being a good steward. I really enjoy shopping which certainly takes away from stewardship. I continue to work to have better self-control, particularly when it comes to buying clothes and shoes…
- I’m certainly not going to be making any bed coverings or linen garments. You could tell that from my earlier comments!
- I don’t think I’m always the best wife. I don’t do good things for my husband EVERY day as it says in the passage. I could certainly be more attentive and engaged with him (not ready for submissive). In addition, my children certainly don’t rise up and call me blessed. I definitely have had my share of parenting fails.
The good news is that, although I don’t measure up, I feel that I at least possess some of the traits listed. I try to be the best wife and mother I can be – although I know I frequently fall short. And I strive to exhibit many of the other characteristics on a regular basis. I have certainly been working diligently on my faith and cultivating a deeper relationship with the Lord. The best news of all is that the Proverbs 31 woman was not an actual woman. In this Scripture, King Lemuel’s mother was describing the kind of woman she hoped her son would marry.
Most of us will never check off all the boxes to attain the perfection of the virtuous woman. However, we can study the virtues described and strive to live a life where they are evident. We can live out God’s will for our lives and live each day with purpose, always determined to be the best woman we can be.
REFLECT
What are some areas where you fall short of the Proverbs 31 woman that you
would like to work on?
What actions can you take to be the best woman you can be?
