Two years ago tomorrow was, beyond a shadow of a doubt, the worst day of my life. It was the day that my mom took her life. I found the body of the one who brought me into the world, my best friend, and biggest advocate. There is more to the story but suffice it to say that the experience was – and still is – very traumatic.
For about three months afterwards, I felt like a zombie, walking through life but barely feeling alive. Then came waves of guilt, anger, remorse, fear, and more. Although I am in a better place, I never know when the grief is going to hit me again head on.
I am not writing this seeking sympathy. Our darkest moments open doors to help others. Although I’m not at a place where I can speak to groups about it yet, I can write about it. Honestly, I am really embarrassed and not sure that I should even put this out there but, if it can help someone, then something positive will come out of this horrible experience.
Rock bottom will teach you lessons that mountain tops never will. Here are some things that I learned:
- The Lord is there for us always. He has walked beside me every step of the way during this difficult time. One of the Bible verses that I have referred to often is, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit (Psalm 32:18).”
- Be kind to others. Life is hard ya’ll. Be kind always as you never know what other people are going through. If you see signals that someone is depressed or may be contemplating suicide, do whatever you can to help. Some of the signs include threatening to harm themselves; seeking access to pills/weapons; expressing hopelessness; not seeming to feel a sense of purpose; and sudden behavior changes like withdrawal or giving away possessions. They now have a 988 easy to remember number for the suicide prevention line.
- It’s okay to ask for help and lean on others. I am very fortunate to have a very good support system. Although I don’t like to ask for help or rely on other people, I know they are there if I need anything. My husband has been a rock. Although I don’t think he knows what to do with me sometimes (I am a hot mess after all), he is always comforting and supportive.
If there is anyone reading this that is going through a similar experience, please reach out. I would love to talk with you, and we may even be able to help each other.
A prayer for those that have lost loved ones to suicide:
Dear Lord,
Please help all those that are struggling after the suicide death of a loved one. Walk with them in their grief and help them handle their feelings, questions and regrets. Don’t let this tragedy rob them of the good memories of their loved one.
Show them how to put their hope in you. Be with them and, as is says in Isaiah 41:10, uphold them with your righteous right hand.
Amen
