“It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect.” Psalm 18:32
Are you a perfectionist? If you’re not sure, think about these questions. Do you:
- Often worry that you said or did the wrong thing?
- Read too much into others’ comments?
- Worry that you dropped the ball?
- Worry about looking good to other people?
- Overthink things?
- Beat yourself up when you make a mistake or receive correction?
I thought I was over perfectionism until I reflected on these questions. I have made much progress with the maturity and wisdom I’ve gained over the years, but still backslide often.
So, what is perfectionism? It is a defined as a disposition to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable. It may involve setting unrealistically demanding goals accompanied by the tendency to regard failure to achieve them as unacceptable and a sign of personal worthlessness.
It’s not bad to strive to be perfect, is it? It seems that it might motivate us to try to be our best. This is absolutely not accurate. We are human and will never achieve perfection, so the quest for it is exhausting. If we let it, perfectionism will gradually erode our inner peace and rob us of our joy.
Perfectionism comes from a place of fear that we may be seen with all of our faults and failures. Dr. Brene Brown brings to light an important point, stating that, “perfectionism is not about healthy striving, it is a thought process that says if I do these things perfectly, I can avoid shame, blame, and judgment” (2010)
Below are a few suggestions of strategies that might help in overcoming perfectionism.
See mistakes and failures in a positive light
One of the things that has been most impactful for me in my quest to overcome perfectionism is the understanding and acknowledgement that we all make mistakes and that it’s okay. We will fail from time to time and it doesn’t mean that we are not worthy. In fact, it gives us an opportunity to learn and grow and to ask God for help and rely on Him more.
Meditate on God’s love for you
Read the Book of 1 John to be reminded of God’s love for you and all of the ways that He proves that love.
“ See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. ” 1 John 3:1
Set Realistic Expectations
In the definition of perfectionism, setting unrealistically demanding goals is mentioned. Be kind to yourself and set realistic goals that you can achieve, celebrating your successes along the way. Instead of beating yourself up because you didn’t lose 10 pounds in a month (probably an unrealistic goal), set more realistic expectations for yourself and celebrate along the way as you achieve them. In this example, you might set a goal of losing a pound a week.
Alter your self-talk
When you hear that critical voice in your head telling you that your work isn’t good enough or you’re not good enough, shut it down. As I’ve mentioned in other posts, I sometime say, “Get Away Satan” to myself to redirect my brain. Being aware of your perfectionistic tendencies can help you to redirect yourself in a positive direction.
Remember that Jesus never demanded perfection from us. He simply asked us to lay down all of our baggage, pick up our cross and follow Him.
