Lately, I have had to do something that used to strike fear in my heart – SALES. Why? I think it is largely due to fear of rejection. When you start your own business, you have little choice but to do sales if you want it to work, so I’ve been doing it but with some fear and trepidation.
Usually when people don’t want to pursue something with you, they just don’t respond. I had a guy this week tell me “Thanks but no thanks” with an emphasis on the “no thanks” and a “don’t ever bother me again” cherry on top.
It shouldn’t bother me but, if I’m honest, it hurt my feelings and I felt rejected. Of course, I have had much worse rejections in my life and this was pretty minor in comparison. But this got my thinking about rejection and how I am going to have to put my big girl panties on and get better at dealing with this type of response. Here’s what I discovered in exploring rejection in more detail.
Rejection is hurtful but unfortunately is a part of life.
In the book, Uninvited: Living Loved When You Feel Less Than, Left Out and Lonely, Lysa TerKeurst says:
Rejection isn’t just an emotion we feel. It’s a message that’s sent to the core of who we are, causing us to believe lies about ourselves, others, and God. Rejection then can become a liability in how we think about ourselves and interact in future relationships.
Jesus can be our example.
Jesus was surely not immune to rejection. From the onset of his ministry, he was rejected by the Pharisees, the Jews, and even by his friends who said they loved and would never leave him. With each rejection Jesus faced, he kept moving forward toward his goal. His greatest agony was when God turned away from him on the cross.
We live in a broken world where rejection is certain to happen. In John 15:18, Jesus told his disciples to expect rejection. “If the world hates you, keep in mind that if hated me first.”
When you feel the sting of rejection, here are some things that you can do to move past it.
- Realize that people who reject you are definitely in the minority. When you think about all of the people you have encountered in your life, there is probably only an extremely small percentage that has ever seriously rejected you.
- Acknowledge your emotions and how you are feeling. If you deny or “stuff” your feelings, it’s only going to make you feel worse in the long run.
- View rejection as courage. Try to see the rejection as evidence that you stepped outside your comfort zone to do something.
- Don’t let rejection define you! You shouldn’t let your self-worth be based on other people’s opinions of you. Remember who you are in God.
- See the rejection as redirection. Oftentimes, God may have something better for you – or be protecting you from something through the rejection.
- Learn from it. Use the experience as an opportunity to examine your situation and determine ways to learn, grow, and/or help others. For example, rejection for a job could become a motivation to further your education. Or a spouse leaving you could result in an opportunity to help others going through similar situations.
- Reflect on Scriptures. Choose and keep some Scriptures handy that will uplift you during times of disappointment.
Remember that God loves and accepts you despite any flaws and insecurities. Try to take your focus off of the rejection and focus on Jesus, your ultimate approver. Realize that feelings of rejection are only temporary and that nothing lasts forever except His love. He will help you through the situation and likely has something better for you as a result!
The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand.” Psalm 37:23-24
