I saw the following quote on social media:
“Be with someone who will take care of you. Not materialistically but take care of your soul, your well-being, your heart and everything that’s you.”
I was lucky enough to find and marry that person the second go around. He is a Christian man – quiet, kind, gentle, patient and humble. And he can deal with my crazy. On every assessment that we have taken, we are polar opposites but somehow our relationship just seems to work. There are definitely times when he frustrates me, probably because we are so different. And vice versa I’m sure! But I feel that I can just be me and that he will always accept and love me for who I am, unconditionally.
The first go around, I think that I unconsciously selected someone that I couldn’t please because I never felt that I pleased my father. I guess I thought that, if I could please my husband, I would be worthy. Ladies, many of us have gone into relationships thinking that we will change the other person. For those of us that are more seasoned, we haven’t really seen that work. Only God can change a person.
My first marriage was difficult. I could never seem to do anything right in his eyes and felt constantly put down and criticized. The things that I didn’t do right included vacuuming, laundry, parenting and really anything around the house. By the time my marriage ended, my feelings about myself were not good and I had pretty much hit rock bottom. When you have someone criticize and tear you down, day after day, it is really exhausting. I realize that I wasn’t perfect and did a lot of things wrong in the relationship as well, but I did try to hold it together as long as I could. My parents had divorced, and I never wanted that for my children. But by the end of the marriage, there clearly wasn’t another choice and I was at peace with the decision.
I was the primary care giver for our two small girls at that time and it was really difficult to keep going. Out of this situation, I found Jesus and He helped me to climb out of the pit. Soon before we split up, I remember being at the beach with our family on what had been a difficult trip for me. My ex-husband was in rare form and I knew things were falling apart. I woke up early one morning and sat on the deck to watch the sunrise. At that moment, I truly found Jesus and felt his support and encouragement. Up to that point, I had been attending church but was unsure about my faith.
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28
God takes things that, in and of themselves, are bad, and He puts them together to bring healing. After we separated, things just kind of came together and I could feel God working and carrying me through. Our house sold quickly, and I found a great townhouse for me and the girls to live in. The timing worked out perfectly. In addition, after I’d had several years to heal, I truly believe that He brought my current husband into my life.
So what’s the point that I am trying to make in this post. I guess it’s really the quote that I started with. Be with someone who is good for your soul. Now, if you don’t have that and you are married, does that mean that you should get a divorce? That’s not what I mean at all. Pray about it and ask God to help you improve the situation. If you are in a relationship that isn’t good for your soul that hasn’t resulted in marriage, think about and pray about whether it’s really a healthy situation for you. And for younger ladies, don’t decide to get married because everyone else is or you think your significant other is cute – like I did. Go much deeper and pray about the situation.
A couple of verses to end with:
“He has made everything beautiful in its time”. Ecclesiastes 3:11
“to bestow on them a crown on beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of him splendor.” Isaiah 61:3
–
REFLECT
If you currently married or in a serious relationship, reflect on it. If it isn’t good for your soul, pray about it and let God comfort you and lead you in the way you should go.
